In relationships (not just intimate ones), whenever a conflict arises, people tend to assume one of three roles: Persecutor, Rescuer, and Victim.
I generally play the rescuer.
Keep in mind none of these roles are bad in itself. They’re typically a stance you adopted as a child to deal with the problems and conflict in your life. The problem is when you never outgrow them.
Persecutors are very good at identifying problems. They’ll recognize when there’s an injustice or a situation that needs to be resolved.
Rescuers are very good at fixing the problem. They’ll go through possible solutions and, if the need arises, sacrifice a bit of themselves in order to resolve it.
Victims are very good at recognizing weaknesses. They’ll size up what they’re capable of and what others are capable of. They’re not afraid to ask for help, and they’re not going to try to do something they know they’re incapable of doing.
People tend to fall somewhere within this triangle – not many people are pure-rescuers or pure-persecutors. However, depending on where you fall in relation to another person, you’ll automatically gravitate towards the same role. For my previous relationship, I was always the rescuer while she was always the victim.
It’s fine if your relationship gravitates towards a certain dynamic. The problem is if the dynamic doesn’t change.
You need to be willing to assume all three roles for a relationship to work out. You need to be strong enough to say you have a problem (persecutor) when you see it. You need to be strong enough to resolve the problem (rescuer) when one comes up. And you need to be strong enough to admit to the problem (victim) when you have a weakness.
In my case, I need to persecute more and let others know when I don’t like something. In my ex’s case, she needs to realize she can resolve the problems that she encounters, even if she might not be the cause. A person that gravitates towards persecutor/rescuer needs to realize they can admit to being weak and powerless and still be a decent person because of it.
I’m a rescuer, and I have victim tendencies. I’m great for solving problems or recognizing if I can’t solve a problem.
Not so great at identifying the problem.
Avein 