Would you like to hear a story?
Here’s how it starts: I saw my ex for the first time in about 6 months.
I finished work late, so I decided to pick up some Chinese food on the way back home. And I saw her eating with her family. I dropped by the table to say hi and see how they were doing. I felt it would’ve been a bit more awkward if I pretended they didn’t exist, especially since I made eye contact with her mother.
My ex had her head down and her back turned to me the entire time. I didn’t say anything much, it was just friendly small talk – asking how they were doing, how work was, etc.
After my food was finished, I said goodbye and left quickly.
She looked pretty disturbed when I was there, so later that night I texted her, asking if everything was okay, or if I just made her uncomfortable.
Looked like it was the latter – no response.
But you know what? That’s okay. I didn’t make sure everything was okay because I wanted to win her back, chat with her, or anything like that. I was simply concerned since she looked incredibly distraught.
A good chunk of people in the world would advise me to just ignore her. After all, if she’s going to be a cold bitch to you when you’re just having a small chat, then she doesn’t deserve your concern. Not to mention these facts:
- She cheated on me
- When I caught her cheating, she blamed it on my personality
- She called me a cheap-ass, despite paying for half of her university degree as well as other things
Yes, I’m a little bitter. Who wouldn’t be? I know ruminating on her faults isn’t healthy. But pretending these facts don’t exist isn’t healthy either. I’m trying to just make note of them – after all, I can think of a much longer list of the good things she’s done with me.
So I guess this is me convincing myself I did the right thing.
I have no way of knowing if she’s uncomfortable because of me, or because of something else. I knew I probably would be ignored, and that’s okay. I’m not a part of her life anymore, nor is she a part of mine. If she doesn’t want to open up to me, then that’s okay.
But if she did – if she wanted someone to ask her how she was, to show concern for her, or to apologize to me, then I’ll give her the opportunity. This isn’t necessarily about her – it was about showing concern for someone that looked distraught, whether they’re a stranger or a friend. Despite how hard it is, I’m trying to treat her like a regular human being instead of the girl who broke my heart.
I’m not going to lie – I don’t like being ignored. Even a “Yeah, I was uncomfortable” would’ve been better. But the disappointment is fine.
Because I’m not compromising my morals and values just because I have a history with her.
Yes, in this situation, ignoring her would’ve resulted in nothing happening.
But if the situation was different – if she needed help, and I chose to ignore her because of our relationship, then I’d be disappointed in myself.
Readers, I think this is what people mean by moving on. Not pretending the relationship never existed, but also not staying stuck in the past. Becoming yourself again, despite the pains and tribulations. Except a stronger self.
I’m no longer the boy who’s trying to find out who he really is. No, I don’t know everything yet. There’s still much for me to learn – not just about myself, but about everyone around me.
If you’re going through tough times, remember to stay true to yourself. I’m not going to say I’ve been there, or it’s going to be easy – I’m not qualified, nor do I know what you might be going through. But remembering who you are will help you get through this. After all, you’ve gotten through many other things in life before this. You’ll find a way through this as well. And if there’s no way through it, I’m confident you’ll make your own way through it.
This is who I am:
- I’m caring – I show genuine concern for the people around me, regardless of what they have to offer in return. I won’t let my past with my ex stop me from caring about others
- I’m not afraid of failing – failing is just another lesson to be learned, and I’m strong enough to take the hit
- I’m a sensitive person – it’s part of what makes me so damn empathetic to others
- I’m persistent – If I don’t have the talent for it, then I’ll make up for it with hard work until I can learn that talent
I’m sure I’ll learn more about myself as the years go on, but that’s what I know about myself so far.
Feel free to comment about what you know about yourself down below.
And remember – take care of yourselves.