Sigh. Sorry – another blog post about my ex.
Today, my best friend told me that he suddenly remembered something involving my ex’s boss. He’s going to tell me it tomorrow over lunch.
This is not going to be pretty.
If he’s telling me a story about the person my ex is with, chances are it’s a bad story. I know he’s telling me to help me feel justified, right, and superior to the guy.
All it does is make me worry about my ex.
Why do I worry about her? I hear all these stories about the guy she’s with, as well as her own situation, and it sounds terrible. But she chose this for herself. And she burned me in the process, leaving some deep scars in my heart.
But even so, I still worry for her well-being.
You know what? I love my ex. I still do. She’ll always have a special place in my heart, probably deep inside the scar that she carved out. Even after I move on, meet someone else who makes me forget about her, her imprint will still be there. And my heart will hurt when I see her get hurt.
I’m also realizing something else.
Chances are, she’s not going to realize how stupid she’s being. Most likely, she won’t think about me until this guy hurts her (from the stories I hear, he will). And by then, it will be too late. Because I’m better than a back-up boyfriend.
If she loves me, and realizes how terrible she’s been, and tries to reconcile, then that’s okay. But if she’s waiting until this relationship breaks into pieces, and then thinks about how wonderful I was to her, I can’t be together with her. I’m not going to turn her away – I’ll console her and help her get back on her feet, but I don’t want to be the person she turns to just because her relationship went south.
If she only thinks of me after she gets hurt, then she doesn’t really love me. It will suck, and it will be hard, but my feelings are just as important as hers. Maybe if the relationship goes south, and then she grows up – finds out what career path she wants to follow, moves out of her parent’s home, reflects back on what she’s done, becomes more disciplined and mature, and figures out exactly what she wants in life, we could try again.
Trying again doesn’t mean forgetting about the past. No matter what, I’ll remember the unfaithfulness. We’ll have to talk about problems that might only exist in the past, in order to understand each other’s emotions at the time. It will take a long time for her to regain my trust. She’ll have to confront my family and friends, who are also hurt by her actions.
I’ll certainly try to do my part, but she’ll need to work with me to get through it. She can’t just say “it’s the past, forget about it” or “does that really matter?“, because it will be important to me. It’s going to be excruciatingly difficult, for the both of us.
If she grows up, and she’s willing to take the hardest path out there for love, and we both have a bit of luck on our sides…
… Then maybe.